I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
