Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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