I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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