As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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