A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
