one two three fourrrrnication!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
