What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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