Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
