At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
