i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
