Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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