Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
