Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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