you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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