The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
