"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
