this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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