I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
