When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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