5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
