**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
