oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
