Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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