hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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