last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
