in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
