"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize