Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
