i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
