Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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