Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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