Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
