I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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