just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
