spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
