At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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