One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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