It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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