Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
