just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
