Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
