did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
