Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
