1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think i have two assholes
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
