Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish I only lived at night.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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