you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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