you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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