I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You took a bar mat shot.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Randomize