You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
