i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize