This is not my ceiling
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
