He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
