I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
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