Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
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