i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
