If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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