You don't have asthma, your pregnant
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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