The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
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