So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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