You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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