I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
