New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
