You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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