They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
