Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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