I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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