Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
