Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
