That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
