LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
