Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
