So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
