wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
