you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
