I am puke
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
