i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
