he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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