just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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