his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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