I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
