I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
