Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
