You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
this boner is exhausting
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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