so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
