Jerry, you need to find god
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
