I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
