Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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