Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
