In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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