I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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