# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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