My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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