We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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