just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
