It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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