so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
